Adventures In Parodyverse: Major Players - Tales of the Parodyverse

This was originally supposed to be a tie-in of some sort but I never found a good place to tie it in.

Adventures In Parodyverse - Major Players

    "I haven't been laid in a long time." ManMan looked up from the untouched fast food hamburger, dripping with greasy sauces, in his hands. He hadn't actually taken a bite of it yet because he froze when he realized who just heard what he said.

    Liu Xi Xian was staring at him, unamused, noting that he had the look of a man who didn't realize the person he was talking to a moment ago, all too comfortably, left the Lair Mansion kitchen in the middle of the conversation. She didn't reply to what he said at all - instead, once she finished embarassing him with a silent stare she quietly resumed her journey to the refrigerator.

    "I was talking to Trickshot, he was just here--" ManMan quickly rambled before he realized that verbally he just made the leap from pervert to raving maniac.

    She glanced at him again for a fleeing moment but still didn't say anything as she began assembling items to make herself lunch. After a few minutes slicing and toasting things, she created two plates' worth of food, shoving one in front of Joe Pepper. She then snatched the greasy fast food burger from his fingers and tossed it in the trash.

    "Aww, why did you have to do that?" he whined.

    Liu Xi pointed to the sandwich she pushed in front of him and she sat across from him. "Try it before you whine," she instructed.

    ManMan did as asked, and then paused. "Mmm, this is good." He took another few quick bites.

    "Carl Bastion brags too much about nothing," Liu Xi offered her take on how she guessed the conversation went before she arrived. She rolled her eyes then when she realized that while she was two bites into her sandwich Joe was finishing his off.

    "He was teasing me about what I was doing with Marie," ManMan told her. "Bragging about his own conquest."

    "His conquest?" Liu Xi shook her head and laughed. "That's not what I heard. Next time ask someone with some sense."

    Joe sighed and looked down at his plate. But then he remembered..."Wait...no questions about me and Marie?"

    "No," Liu Xi replied plainly.

    His voice became smaller as he felt his confidence destroyed. "You don't have any confidence in me at all?"

    Liu Xi stared at him, looking as if she were trying to remain serious and not to laugh. "Maybe if you wouldn't dress like that when you take her out in public."

    "What's wrong with my uniform?" ManMan asked, sounding clueless.

    She simply giggled and shook her head.

    ManMan frowned and changed the subject. "Anyway, I need someone to look after Knifey. He keeps talking over me while I'm having conversations with Marie."

    "Oh really?" Knifey suddenly piped up after spending the rest of the conversation silent. "Maybe if you had something intelligent to say I wouldn't have to step in and save you."

    "See what I mean?" Joe whined.

    Liu Xi sat up and stretched over the table. "Knifey, would you like to keep me company this evening?"

    "Oh sure, ask him," ManMan grumbled.

    "Absolutely!" Knifey replied a little too enthusiastically. "And Manny, I think I'm getting the better end of the deal."

    He rolled his eyes and handed the talking knife over to Liu Xi, who placed him on the table next to her. Then he noticed Liu Xi was still staring at him. "What? I'm just going to feed her and take a walk with her."

    "Yeah right," Knifey commented. "All I have to do is mention Marie's name...or yours, incidentally...and Manny starts outgrowing his pants, if you know what I mean."

    ManMan whimpered and tried to hide his face behind his napkin. Unfortunately it was the disposable paper kind and it was also torn.

    Liu Xi leaned over the table again and looked over ManMan and then rolled her eyes and sat down again. "You two are funny when you argue," she noted. "Knifey, I'm sure Joe will keep his pants on no matter what happens in them."

    "Thank you," ManMan replied. "Hey, wait a minute...what do you know about that?"

    She sighed impatiently. "I grew up with two brothers in China, and we were poor so we all shared a room. We were very close, and they taught me a lot about boys." She smiled and added, "There is nothing you can hide from me, so you may as well behave yourself with Marie."

    ManMan sighed and looked at the table. "Hey, um...are you angry at me still because of what happened with the Doomherald?"

    Liu Xi turned serious, and she looked down slowly. The atmosphere changed suddenly as she realized this was a situation she dreaded getting herself into. "No...not angry. Disappointed."

    "Disappointed? Why?"

    She shrugged. "I suppose I thought you were...more than you are," she whispered. "But it wasn't you."

    "I'm not sure what you mean," Joe replied.

    That's when Knifey piped up again. "She means she thought you were something better than a fat slob with the intelligence of a chimp."

    "But Marie likes me..."

    "She's been dead for a hundred years, she's not picky," Knifey chipped in again. He sounded amused that Liu Xi was trying hard not to laugh.

    "Look, Joe...you are nice to me, and I like that." Liu Xi finally said. "But to be honest...yes, your manner of dress and your eating habits disgust me." She looked amused to be adding, "Maybe that is why you haven't been laid in a while."

    ManMan didn't reply, he looked crushed instead.

    "Those are things you can change, though," she pointed out quickly. "You can eat better, and wear better clothing. Sometimes it's not enough to be nice, but it's worth a lot. That's why Marie likes you, she sees the potential."

    "Why don't you?" Joe asked, trying not to make it sound like an accusation.

    "I see it," she admitted. "But I have been making do for so long with less...I want better for myself."

    "So...it's one of those 'it's not you it's me' speeches?"

    Liu Xi smiled slightly. "Yes, I suppose it is."

    "I don't mean to upset you or anything." ManMan suddenly said, as he watched Liu Xi's expression change dangerously, and her arms fold. "But maybe you set your sights too high."

    "I...don't understand." Liu Xi simply shook her head and stared at him.

    "Well, that first guy you were supposed to be married to...he wasn't anyone famous or glamorous, was he?"

    Liu Xi still seemed confused, but she shook her head to reply.

    "You want someone for yourself like Hatman or CSFB!, someone as beautiful and powerful as you." He paused for a moment, almost afraid to say more, until he saw her dark eyes fixed on him expecting him to continue. "And honestly, they go for...well...'A'-list superheroes like them. Like Zdenka, and Lara Night, the Psychic Samurai, girls with--" He froze with his hands making a shape, but he quickly put down his hands when he remembered who he was speaking to.

    Fortunately, Liu Xi didn't seem to react, encouraging Joe Pepper to say more since he hadn't gotten himself in trouble yet.

    "Experience," he finished his last sentence. "They're curvy and they know how to be lovers."

    "So do I," Liu Xi pointed out quickly.

    "You were trained, but you don't have experience. Honestly they're out of your league and you're like a kid to them." He stopped suddenly when Liu Xi lowered her head and seeemd hurt.

    "Way to go, Mr. Sensitive," Knifey taunted him.

    "All I'm saying, Liu Xi, is...maybe you need to lower your standards. You're not going to find someone who's perfect--"

    Knifey then interrupted to cut the conversation short. "In his tripping over himself way he's saying he wants a shot at you."

    "Is that true?" Liu Xi asked.

    ManMan lowered his head and sighed. "Yes. I mean...we're already becoming friends. Maybe we can...help each other out. Then maybe I won't be so clueless about what you want, and you will learn what you can put up with."

    "I'll think about it." Liu Xi nodded.

    ManMan sighed and then rose to his feet. "I gotta go, I'm going to be late meeting Marie." He looked down at Liu Xi and mumbled, "Thanks for um...the food. And the talk."

    "Joe," Liu Xi called after him as he started to leave. He stopped to see what she had to say. "Others may make fun of you," she spoke quietly, "but if you promise to be as kind to Marie as you are to me I will stand by you."

    ManMan finally smiled. "Thanks," he said again. "I promise."


-- Story written and copyrighted (C) 2007 by Jason Froikin, and may not be
-- reprinted without permission.
-- Yuki Shiro designed by Jason Froikin, based on designs by Masamune Shirow
-- Liu Xi Xian and the Psychic Samurai are original design by Jason Froikin
-- Lara Night is an original creation by Jason Froikin

Post By Anime Jason Sun Apr 15, 2007 at 11:52:24 am EDT	Subject Adventures In Parodyverse: Major Players

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